Recognising low self-esteem

When you learn how it shows up in you, you will better recognise the signs in your child

Low self-esteem started in the past so let’s explore how your low self-esteem began and decide whether it still has any place in your life today. Some negative thought processes have a positive benefit so let’s check yours out for this and see if we can keep the benefit but lose the low self-esteem?

How do you recognise self-esteem? Here are a few questions to ask yourself. Answer honestly now! Tick or underline the ones that apply to you.

Exercise
Q1. Do you often find yourself saying ‘yes’ when you really want to say ‘no’?

Q2. Do you prioritise other people’s needs and leave yours until there’s no time left for you?

Q3. Do you find it difficult to express yourself and sometimes get a bit tongue tied and end up not saying what you meant to say?

Q4. Do you frequently say ‘sorry’ even if it wasn’t your fault? Q5. Do you often feel a failure?

Q6. Do you ask other people for help making decisions?

Q7. Do you compare yourself unfavourably with other people? Q8. Do you use the word ‘I can’t’ quite a lot?

Q9. Do you hold back from taking chances or opportunities to take the limelight?

Q10. Do you feel guilty about decisions you have to make?

How many boxes have you ticked?

All the above are signs of low self-esteem and we are going to go back through them in the next exercise in order to examine where they came from because you were not born with them! These are all patterns you have picked up along the way, probably in childhood. They may be patterns you observed and experienced in one of your parents or other significant people in your childhood such as a teacher or grandparent.

There are a number of factors that contribute to children experiencing low self-esteem and we will look at them afterwards. First let’s explore where they came from. Underneath each behaviour please write who you think has exhibited this behaviour in your past. We are not attributing blame here; simply understanding the pattern so we can decide what we want to do about it and frankly, whether we want to change it now.

Exercise

Q1. Who in your childhood used to say ‘yes’ when they meant ‘no’?

...........................................................................................................................

Q2. Who prioritised other people’s needs and leave theirs until there was no time left for them?

...........................................................................................................................

Q3. Who used to find it difficult to express themselves and sometimes got a bit tongue tied and ended up not saying what they meant to say?

..........................................................................................................................
Q4. Who used to say ‘sorry’ even if it wasn’t their fault? .........................................................................................................................
Q5. Who used to feel a failure? ........................................................................................................................
Q6. Who used to ask other people for help making decisions? .......................................................................................................................
Q7. Who used to compare themselves unfavourably with other people? .........................................................................................................................
Q8. Who used to use the word ‘I can’t’ quite a lot? .........................................................................................................................
Q9. Who used to hold back from taking chances or opportunities to take the limelight? .......................................................................................................................

Q10. Who used to feel guilty about decisions they had to make? ........................................................................................................................

Having established whose pattern you have copied, now is the time to decide whether you want to carry on doing that or whether you might want to change it. Is this a strange idea? Yes, you can change beliefs you have about yourself!